Happy Father's Day to a great daddy! 

 I love that my husband is such a great daddy.  Raising former micro-preemie twins and a 4 year old is not an easy task.  I am so thankful that he helps out so much.  It is definitely a two person job.  I love watching him play with the kids and watching the kids smile and laugh with Daddy.  It is so sweet!  Before the twins, he always told me he was content with just having Brenna.  I talked him into having ONE more, and we got one more than he had agreed to having!  I know that now he couldn't imagine it any other way.  He loves having two babies begging at his feet to be picked up when he's already holding Brenna on the couch and having two babies crawling to meet him when he gets home from work.  Thanks Jim for being such a wonderful husband and daddy! 

Their "To Do" list never ends!

I took the twins to the NICU follow-up clinic last week.  They really didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know.  Camdyn is behind, and Cade is really behind.  I already knew it, but it didn't soften the blow any when you see it on paper.  Actually, Camdyn is right on track in almost all areas for her adjusted age.  Cade is pretty much behind in all areas.  I wasn't surprised to discover that their lowest scores were in the social-personal area.  They lived in a plastic box (isolette) for 2 months of their lives, then in an open crib in the NICU for 2 more months of their lives, and then when they were finally released, we were told to keep them in strict isolation throughout the whole winter.  Considering they have only been in social situations for the last few months, it's not surprising they would score low in this area.  It's so disheartening to know that we go to therapy all the time to try to "catch up", and it just seems unattainable sometimes.  My heart hurts to see how hard they have to work to meet each milestone (sitting up, crawling, pulling to stand, cruising, etc.) when full-term kids just do these things.  The clinic told us that they could tell they have both been in therapy and that without the therapy, they would most likely be even further behind.  Now we are supposed to add occupational therapy to their busy little schedules.

I feel inadequate often.  No matter how much I do with them, it never seems like enough.  Just listen to all of the instructions we are given by the therapists.  We have to worry about gross motor skills, fine motor skills, feeding issues, sensory issues, social skills, and speech/language development.  Thinking of that responsibility alone exhausts me not to mention all of these tasks we are supposed to work on daily.

- encourage plenty of standing time
- encourage cruising along furniture
- make sure they are pulling up equally on the right as they are on the left
- encourage pulling to stand
- make sure they bend down to pick up objects on both sides
- encourage picking up objects by squatting instead of plopping down
- encourage controlled sitting
- encourage putting objects into containers
- encourage using the thumb and forefinger to grasp objects
- encourage holding a sippy cup (which they don't do at all!)
- provide different surface textures to move on
- encourage taking bites and helping them to manage those on their own (in other words hope they don't choke)
- offer table foods (again - and hope Cade doesn't choke when he attempts to swallow food whole without chewing and watch Camdyn try to chew food with no teeth - yes, she still has no teeth at 14 months old!)
- make sure to add butter and oil to every meal to gain weight
- make sure to fit in 4 bottles daily still along with 3 meals to get in the extra calories
- encourage babbling sounds
- play plenty of nursery games (when exactly?)
- read to them often (again, when?)
- say the names of objects around you
- offer playtime opportunities with other children (but hope they aren't sick!)
- and on and on and on - The list seems to grow longer every week.

Overall, I am really thankful that we have great therapists.  I don't even mind going to therapy.  I always think of it as, "At least, this is in my control.  I can do something about it."  I felt so helpess in the NICU so often.  All I could do was read to them with a plastic barrier (isolette) between us, sing/talk to them, and play music for them.  Everything else was out of my control.  Now that I do have some control over their outcomes, I feel this huge responsibility resting on my shoulders.  It's a horrible feeling because I can't help but think that if I fail, they fail; if I succeed, they succeed, but I suppose that's just parenting in general.  But, how can anyone do all of the above mentioned tasks daily?  It's just not possible, so I'll continue to do my best and hope for the best.

I read an article (http://www.kcentv.com/story/14647385/preemie-birth-survivor-goes-on-to-graduate-from-baylor) about a girl who recently graduated from Baylor with top honors.  She was born 10 inches long and only weighed 14 ounces.  Her father said this about her:

"Once you start working so hard to catch up, there's nothing in your brain that tells you you're caught up to stop working," her father Barry Ray said.

That's the road we are on!

Look at them now!

If someone could have told me last year at this time that in a year I would be enjoying taking my babies to splash parks and swimming pools, I'm not sure I would have believed them.  If I could have peeked into the future, maybe I could have worried a whole lot less, but of course, there was no way for any of the doctors to know what the outcome would be.  Instead, we had to do that horrible thing called "wait and see" which amounts to saying, we can "wait and see" what terrible things will happen or we can "wait and see" if those terrible things don't happen. 

My mom took me and all the grandkids (my 3 kids and my niece and nephew) to Hyatt Lost Pines.  We had a blast!  We floated the lazy river, let the babies splash in the splash pad, slid down the water slide, played in the beach area, and just had a great, relaxing time.  As the babies were floating down the lazy river in their baby floaties smiling, kicking, and splashing, my mom said she wished all the NICU nurses could have seen them now.  To think that only one year ago at this time, they were both laying in isolettes with CPAP/nasal cannulas and eating through a tube and now they are happy, healthy babies just enjoying life is awe-inspiring.  I hope other parents who are in the NICU now see this and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel even though I know it doesn't seem like it.  We have definitely had our struggles along the way and we still have challenges ahead, but overall, this is such a wonderful place to be, and I count my blessings constantly!

One year ago:

Today:

Camdyn napping by the pool.  Both of the babies were exhausted from all their swimming.  Now that we are back home, I had to seize my opportunity to update the blog while they are napping now.



Mommy's Kitchen Help

I have some real kitchen help lately.  My help comes in a pair.  See just how helpful my kitchen help is below:

They get me what I need.  Notice Cade is reaching for the wine!

They do the dishes! (Yes, Camdyn is standing on top of the dishwasher.  I turned around to put away a dish, looked back, and there she was smiling at me so proud of herself.)

They keep the sink clean!

They put the groceries away.

They stock the shelves and throw away the trash!

They even Swiffer the floor!



Memorial Day Weekend

We didn't do much for Memorial Day.  After taking Cade to the pediatrician, we found out that he did have a slight case of pneumonia and an ear infection.  They prescribed a lot of medicine, and he is feeling much better now.  Camdyn has been congested, but nothing serious so far and hopefully she can avoid the rest of the illness around our house.  Then we found out that Brenna has strep throat again for the third time this year.  She never complains about her throat hurting or feeling bad when she gets strep.  The only way I know is that she coughs a lot. 

Needless to say, we weren't able to make any big plans for the weekend, but we still had a great time.  We had a "camp-out" on our back deck with Brenna while the babies slept inside.  We blew up the air mattress and watched Princess and the Frog outside on the laptop while Daddy grilled hot dogs and veggies.  After dinner, we made s'mores over the "campfire" (aka BBQ pit).  Then we finished watching the rest of the movie under the stars.  It would have been a perfect night except our mattress had a slow leak, so after a while Brenna and I went inside to sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed and left Daddy outside on the leaky mattress.  It was so much fun that we are already planning our next "camp-out".  This is definitely my kind of camping with a nice shower, a fully-stocked kitchen, and comfy beds readily available that you don't have to share with anyone else!

Cade's visit to the ER

Last night, I took Cade to the ER.  Surprisingly, as a former micro-preemie, this was his first trip to the ER.  He had been coughing all week, but I thought it was just congestion.  I tried to make an appointment on Friday afternoon at the pediatricain's office, but it was too late and we weren't able to get in.  On Sunday, my sister and brother-in-law were watching the kids.  When I went to pick them up, they told me that I should maybe take Cade to the ER because he had been coughing non-stop for the last 30 minutes. 

As I was questioning whether I should bring him or not, he started back up.  He was coughing and gasping for breaths.  He doesn't really have a very effective cough because of his paralyzed vocal cord.  He was coughing so violently that his face was turning red.  I jumped in the car with him and rushed to the ER.  Horrible thoughts were racing through my head - not enough oxygen to the brain can cause brain damage, hope it's not RSV, hope it's not pneumonia, this is probably causing damage to his lungs, he needs to be okay, etc., etc., etc.  As these horrible thoughts ran through my head, the memories of holding Camdyn's limp body and willing her to breathe on her trip to the ER started popping up again.  The whole time Cade is violently coughing, wheezing, and gasping for breath in his car seat. 

When we got there, I ran in the doors with Cade.  I turned into 'crazy, too long in the NICU mom'.  At the registration desk, I began to rattle off, "I don't have time to check-in.  He needs to be seen now.  We need a pulse ox.  You need to check his O2 sats now; he may need oxygen.  He's a former 24 week preemie."  That's all it took to be seen right away.  Those are the magic words "24 week preemie" and you are treated first-class.  They really were awesome.  They had the pulse ox on in no time.  I first saw the sats at 81, and quickly said, "get him some oxygen, put a cannula on him".  They told me it takes a minute for the numbers to register.  I'm sure they were thinking I was crazy and just needed to calm down.  Thankfully, the numbers did go up.  His sats were just fine.  Then a doctor and the respiratory therapist came in to listen to his lungs.  The doctor commented that he sounded like an old smoker which is a pretty accurate description.  They gave him a breathing treatment that worked wonders.  They followed up with blood work, nose swabs, and a chest x-ray.  Fortunately, all the tests came back negative - no RSV and no flu.  They think it is an upper respiratory infection, so we are just continuing with the breathing treatments. 

I was glad that we were discharged and got to spend the night at home.  Wednesday night we spent the night in the dreary nursing home; I didn't want to spend Sunday night in a hospital.  I am so relieved that this was nothing serious.  We did receive some fantastic news from our ER visit.  The doctor, after reading the chest x-ray, said, "The x-rays look surprisingly good.  It looks like any kid's normal chest x-ray" meaning not what he would expect of a former 24 week micro-preemie's lungs.  Awesome!  That news makes me so excited.  

Jim asked me what I expected his lungs to look like.  I said, "Well, I don't know but not normal".  Then I asked him how he seems to forget their background as micro-preemies.  He told me that maybe I needed to work on forgetting a little bit more because they are "normal".  He might be right, but this mama bear isn't taking any chances after all we've been through.  After all, what's another $150 co-pay when you have already spent thousands?  I think the saying "better safe than sorry" is a really good rule to live by.

Thank you God that Cade's infection is not serious and that it is not RSV or the flu.  Thank you for a normal chest x-ray!  I could spend my entire day thanking you for all the gifts you have given us.  You are an amazing God.  Amen. 

They are Turning into Little People!

I have had so much fun with the babies and Brenna lately.  We have been doing so many normal things like going to the park, going to the splash pad, going out to lunch, going to the bookstore, etc.  It is a lot of work to get everyone ready to go out and do things, but I am enjoying it so much after not being able to go anywhere with them all winter long. 

You hear people say they wish their babies could stay small for longer.  Not me.  Since the moment they were born, I wanted them to get big and healthy.  It feels like they were infants for so very long - much longer than a year.  I am thrilled that they are turning into toddlers and becoming little people!

Their personalities are really developing.  Camdyn is a go-getter, can't-sit-still, on the move kind of gal, but she is starting to get separation anxiety when mommy goes into another room.  She doesn't want to be held and cuddled; she just wants to know that I am nearby.  Cade is mostly laid-back and definitely a cuddler.  He loves to be held.  He would like to be held all day if I had the time.

Cade has made a lot of progress with motor development.  He learned to crawl two weeks ago, and he has really mastered it now.  He can crawl all over the house now.  He is almost able to pull up on things.  He gets to his knees with one foot up, but doesn't seem to have either enough strength or coordination yet to get all the way up.  If we stand him up though, he can stand and play for a long time before falling down.  Cade can now wave bye-bye, do pat-a-cake, give high fives, and the best part, give kisses.  He says "dadadadada" and "mamamama" and we think he does it when he wants us.  It is so awesome to see him interacting with us.  It really just makes me so happy that they are both progressing so well.

Camdyn is now pulling up on everything and even cruising.  She just started standing and holding on to the couch or toy table with only one hand.  She has good control and balance.  Camdyn has a lot of new "tricks" as well.  She can wave bye-bye, do pat-a-cake, and give high fives too.  She is not so great at giving kisses because she can't sit still for that long.  She loves to shake her head no also, usually when you are trying to feed her.  About a week ago, she completely surprised me by saying "buh-bye".  I really couldn't even believe it at first.  She also says "mama" and "dada".  I think she is trying to say other words too.  I figured speech would be very delayed because of their extreme prematurity.  A nurse in the NICU told us, "Don't tell her she's little; she doesn't know it."  That has definitely been true for Camdyn.  It's really cute when you ask her to do "pat-a-cake" because she claps her hands together.  Then she starts going through her bag of tricks and waving bye-bye, giving high fives, and shaking her head no.   

Here they are standing and playing.  Look how much taller Cade is than Camdyn.

Here Camdyn is waving hi to her brother but it looks like she is grabbing his ear.

Like I said, the babies are into EVERYTHING!  I opened the fridge for just a second and there they were.  Notice that Cade thinks he needs some wine for breakfast.

Here's a family shot when we took the babies to church for the first time on Mother's Day.  It was neat to finally be able to take them so the congregation who prayed endlessly for them could meet them.  Thank you for all your prayers.

Finally, I had to include this adorable picture of my big girl.  This is before dance class.  Isn't she a beauty?