Baptism - Part I

Jim and I finally set a date for the babies' baptisms.  They will be baptized next month in the church in which my husband grew up.  Brenna was baptized when she was 3 months old; the babies weren't even out of the hospital at 3 months old.  We were asked if we would like to have the babies baptized in the NICU.  I immediately said no to that offer.  To me, it felt like a death sentence.  If I gave permission for a pastor to baptize them, it meant that I thought they were going to die.  I knew the grim statistics; they had a 50-60% chance of death.  Cade's chances were probably even higher after his difficult first night.  Even though I understood this, I could not let myself think they would die, and I definitely wasn't going to have a ceremony of baptism to prepare them for heaven.  I needed them to stay here on Earth with me for a long time.  I already loved them - all 2 combined pounds of them!  I needed them to fight and to live.

I had a lot of talks with God during their NICU stay.  Most went like this - "Why?  Why me?  Why my babies?"  Later they became, "Why did my babies live while others did not?"  Tragedy can either turn a person to or away from God.  For me, it brought me closer to Him than I had ever been before.  I knew there wasn't much I could do except sing/talk to the babies and pray!  I did a lot of praying.  I prayed every waking moment, and I think I prayed in my sleep too!

One of the first times that I visited the babies I decided I would "baptize" them.  I know that I am not ordained, but it was what felt right to me.  I traced the sign of the cross on the top of their isolettes just above their heads.  We weren't allowed to touch them due to their extremely underdeveloped nervous systems.  Tracing the sign of the cross on their heads would have hurt them.  I did not do it because I thought they might die; I wanted them to know that I loved them and that God loved them.  There were no baptismal waters, just lots of mama's tears. 

I am excited to have the babies baptized in the church and for everyone to share in their baptism.  I'm really excited to dress them up in cute little baptism outfits!  I'll definitely be posting pictures of them at the end of next month in Baptism- Part II.

This is a picture of Camdyn (she is in there under all that equipment) when I first saw her.  The nurse took this picture for us.  I don't know if the rest of you can see it, but I can see the worry not only in Jim's face but just in the way his hand is resting on the isolette.  Cade's isolette is right behind us.   Having multiples was an added difficulty of being in the NICU.  I remember checking the time often.  "I've been sitting here with Cade for 15 minutes; now I'm going to go sit with Camdyn for 15 minutes."  I didn't want them to think I was being unfair!

I don't know if I'll ever get over seeing them like this on oscillating ventilators for over a month.  Now, I look at them walking/taking steps, and I can't help being in complete awe knowing this is where they came from!