Micro-Preemie Handbook

After micro-preemies are stabilized in the NICU, the next order of business must surely be the commencement of the Micro-Preemie Handbook lessons.  I'm convinced this must secretly take place in NICUs all over the country.  When mom and dad aren't present, the nurses sit by the isolettes reading from the Micro-Preemie Handbook to all the tiny babies.  The parents are told after several months their babies are now "feeder-growers" meaning they only need to gain weight and learn to eat; however, the truth is the babies have not finished learning all the rules from the Micro-Preemie Handbook.  Once they have an adequate understanding of their micro-preemieness and all that entails, they are then given a graduation/discharge date.  Here is what the micro-preemies must learn:

1.  Always worry your parents.
2.  Never do what is expected.
3.  Never do what is expected.
4.  Never do what is expected!

If you do the above, your parents will go slightly crazy.  Do not fear, this will keep them on their toes and make them the best advocate for you.  In so doing, you will teach your parents patience, hope, faith, and a love that will redefine their entire perspective on life, so go ahead - worry your parents and always do the unexpected!