Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I Am All Cried Out: an Aunt’s Perspective

I will never forget the day Michelle told me she was pregnant, again. I had been pressuring her for some time, and when she showed me the photo I knew immediately what it meant. However, I missed a very important item as I viewed that first ultrasound. Not only was she pregnant, they were twins. I was elated, and I teared up out of sheer joy!

Little did I know the journey we were all about to embark upon was going my life.

The week before Michelle gave birth to Camdyn and Cade we had gone to church and taken photos of her belly (she looked about 8 months pregnant). It’s funny because she thought it looked “so big.” She was complaining, like all moms do, about how much further she had to go.

She was admitted to the hospital that next week, and we all prayed that she would get to know what it was like to truly have a big belly. That night the nurse came in and told us that the viability of the babies did not look good if Michelle went into labor. They immediately started her on medicines to help the babies lungs develop. The pain of the potential lose of these two precious miracles was stamped on my heart. We all cried.

Days later Michelle was rushed to the emergency room and Camdyn and Cade were born. The first time I saw them, I literally could not believe how small they were. They were so cute, and I was so scared for my sister and them. We all cried again.

Seconds, minutes, hours, and days went by and then I was given the privilege, and yes it was a privilege, of touching Camdyn. The nurse opened the door of her isolete, and as I reached out to touch her tiny, delicate hand she squeezed mine. I cried like a baby. The tears were so uncontrollable the nurse had to wipe my eyes and nose. Her touch literally sent an emotion through my body of such great hope and survival that I could not stop crying. It was amazing, I still cry about it today when I think of that moment! In fact, I am crying now.

Days turned to weeks, and I knew they were going to be ok. As we held them and loved them each new obstacle seemed small to me (even though it wasn’t) because I was so elated that they were still a part of my life. And, I knew that they would be ok.

The day they came home I stopped to buy Michelle balloons, and as the gentleman at Dollar General blew each one up, I started to cry again. He looked at me like I was crazy. I started to explain the whole story, but decided instead to just say nothing. What do I care if he thinks I am crazy!

They just passed the six month mark. They are smiling, cooing, and studying who we all are with a gleam in their eyes. I am convinced that I am past all of the crying.

Well, maybe not.

I cried again when I saw these sweet six month photos.

I am now officially giving up on holding it together. These sweet babies have changed me forever, so when they are older and I start crying at birthday party number one or fifteen, when I am the only one crying madly at graduations, the weddings, the dance recitals, playing in the park, or even just waving good-bye. Please don’t look at me like I am crazy. I already know it; that’s what true love feels like.

With Love,
Aunt BB


Michelle said...

I love you sister. You made me cry madly all over again. They have touched all of our lives in such incredible ways. You won't be the only one crying at every accomplishment along the way. Everyone will think we are crazy, and that is perfectly okay with me!

Lindsay said...

Yeah! I won't be the only "crazy" one in the family now! Bless all of our little ones!

agcat01 said...

I don't know that you will ever fully know how many tears have been cried over your blessed ones, or how many people they have changed this early in their lives.