I thought this year April 5 would be easier for me, but I now think it may never change. Every year, I will have these dichotomous emotions - my heart being so full, so thankful that I can't imagine feeling any happier and my mind racing back to that horrible day when they pulled two tiny, nearly lifeless little bodies from me sixteen weeks early. Today as I watched the clock change, I couldn't help but think of that moment two years ago. In my mind, it's like an out-of-body experience. I'm watching from above. I see the doctors and nurses surrounding me. I see the team of neo-natalogists and NICU nurses with two isolettes lined up to the left of the operating table. I hear someone tell Jim that "Dr. Breed is the best neo-natalogist. He has a wall full of plaques. This is who you want to take care of your babies." I'm thinking, "I don't want anyone to take care of them. Put them back. They aren't ready for this world yet." The babies are pulled from my body. I can't see them. I can't hear them. Jim says he heard them make a soft, purring sound. I heard nothing. I look to my left trying to get a glimpse of them. All I can see is the isolettes being rushed out of the operating room. I know they are in there, but I can't see them. It would be over a month until I would hold them in my arms.
I think all of this as the clock changes.
(Camdyn's time of birth.)
(Cade's time of birth.)
(On a funny note: You would not believe how many people ask me if Cade was born first since he's bigger! When I tell these people that Camdyn was born first, they look stunned. Why is it so hard to grasp that the order in which twins are born has nothing to do with their size? I just think it's funny - although not as funny as people who ask if they are identical.)
As we get out of the car to drop Brenna off at school, I scoop up all 40 pounds of my babies, who I suppose should now be called toddlers. I can't believe it. From a combined weight of 2 lbs 10 oz to two armfuls of kids! I can now pick them up, kiss them, and hug them whenever I want. I am blessed.
Happy 2nd Birthday to my two little miracles!
1 year old
2 years old
Cade at birth
1 year old
2 years old
A big thank you to all the medical staff who have taken such great care of Camdyn and Cade. We will be forever grateful to you all. Thank you to all our friends and family who have supported us along the way and prayed for our babies. Most importantly, we thank God today and everyday. He has blessed us abundantly.