I'm not sure if I am crazy for pretending to be normal or normal for pretending to be crazy?  I have encountered several situations where I just act like everything is normal because I don't want to go into the whole long story.  
I went to get a much needed massage a few weeks ago.  I asked for a pillow to put under my chest since my breasts are tender from pumping.  I said, "Can I get a pillow for my chest since I am breastfeeding?"  I was not at that point actually breastfeeding; it was just easier to say that instead of saying pumping.  The therapist said, "Oh, you are breastfeeding.  I'm sure that keeps you busy."  I just said, "yes, it does."  I spared her the whole story.  What would she have said if I said, "Well, actually I'm not breastfeeding.  I'm pumping around the clock to supply milk for my micro-preemies who are fed through a feeding tube.  I won't be able to breastfeed them for weeks.  In fact, I was just recently able to hold them."  See how much easier it is to just pretend to be crazy.
I bought scrapbooks for the babies.  I came up to the register with a pink scrapbook and blue scrapbook in tow.  Of course, the cashier said, "Oh, you have twins.  How old are they?"  I just answered "10 weeks old".  She too said, "you must be so busy".  I just said, "Yes, I am."  What I wanted to say was "You have no idea.  My babies are actually not even supposed to be born for another 6 weeks."
Just a few days ago I went to buy Cade some newborn sized clothes, and I bought Camdyn a cute preemie sleeper.  When I went to check out, the cashier said, "Oh, you have a preemie."  I said, "yes".  I did not say, "Well, actually I had two micro-preemies who just recently began to fit in preemie clothes.  These newborn sized clothes are for my almost 3 month old son, and my almost 3 month old daughter will still be wearing preemie clothes."
Sometimes it is just easier to pretend I'm crazy.  Perhaps, I like to pretend I am normal.  At times like these, I like to pretend that I just recently gave birth to full-term twins who are now home with me.  I like to pretend I am able to breast feed them both.  When strangers say, "you must be busy," I would like to pretend that is because I am up all night feeding them and rocking them back to sleep instead of busy because I am constantly going to the NICU.  So, who is to say what is crazy and what is normal?  I would probably actually go crazy if I did not, at times, pretend to be so.
 
 
2 comments:
All doing okay? haven't heard in many days.
Hope to see C&C soon.
Lindsay
Oh I am so glad you posted this link on my blog. I needed to read this. I know I've said it before, but it's just nice to know I am not alone in this.
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